“Started from the bottom, now we here.” Like Drake, we all had to start from somewhere. And when it comes to sex toys, it’s common for newbies in sex toy market to start with pretty shitty toys. Even myself, a pleasure advocate and current sex toy elitist, started from the perils of toxic and badly made toys. So before the Magic Wand Rechargeable, before any of my Vixen dildos, my sex toy journey started with a shipment from PinkCherry containing my first sex toys…
Crystal Jellies 8 Inch Classic Dildo by Doc Johnson
Seventeen-year-old Suz was a simple gal: all I wanted was a big dick to put inside me. Following other masturbators before me (as seen in mainstream porn), jelly dildo’s were common the pleasure instrument of choice and therefore the only dildo I was interested in buying. I needed to be on trend, and the clearness of the jelly looked fun and unintimidating.
When I first opened the package, the dildo reeked of chemicals. A small red flag definitely was raised in my brain, but it wasn’t enough to overtake the excitement of the toy. I tried it out a couple times, not being able to get it’s 5.25″ consistent girth inside of me. It was marked as a “beginner dildo” but as a person who had never been penetrated before, its thickness is far from beginner friendly. I decided to give it another go one evening, properly warming up beforehand (although without lube), and eventually jammed the dildo inside of me. While uncomfortable at first it managed to be enjoyable for a bit. After I was done, I noticed the blood over the toy and in the bathtub. At the time I thought I broke my hymen, which I thought meant that I was good to go for painless sex in the future. What really happened was my vagina wasn’t lubricated enough, and the blood was from the tearing my vaginal wall. I felt satisfied with my experience, but after smelling the toxic scent on the dildo still lingering, I decided to do some googling. I was brought to Dangerous Lilly’s guide to toxic sex toys and discovered that the jelly dildo I had bought wasn’t safe for my body, due to the chemicals and porousness of the toy. I decided to immediately throw it out, along with the shitty rabbit vibrator.
What I should have bought instead:
I definitely shouldn’t have started with the biggest dildo I could get my hands on. I should have done my research and got an appropriately sized actually beginner friendly dildo, like the Blush Novelties Real Nude Ergo Mini (phallic) or the Pleasure Works Bullseye (non-phallic). If I was dead-set on getting a big toy, I should have gotten something along the lines of the Blush Novelties Real Nude Dayo (phallic) or the Tantus Dutchess (non-phallic).
First Time Flexi Slider Multi-Speed Waterproof Rabbit Vibrator by CalExotic
In addition to purchasing a jelly dildo, I decided to add in a rabbit vibrator to my order. Rabbits were all the rage, and I thought “why not?”, opting to get a product to reach the free shipping limit. I don’t remember how I ended up choosing the ugly First Time Flexi, but it could have been the beginner-friendly attitude the packaging boasted or that it was probably on sale.
Anyway, I wasn’t nearly as excited to use it as I was the jelly dildo, so it sat in the box for a couple weeks after receiving my order. When I eventually remembered it’s existence, I scheduled some jerk off time, hunkered down with the Flexi and tested it out. Its changeable joints were stiff but didn’t make the toy have any desirable shape. The added clit arm was useless; it wiggled nowhere near my clit without literally any vibration going through it. I remember having the Flexi inside me, and saying “This is doing literally nothing.” The vibrations were as piddly as the toy’s shape, which prompted me to quickly abandon it in its packaging, and eventually, in the garbage. I also found out while researching Lilly’s blog that the materials used in the Flexi were also dangerous for my body.
What I should have bought instead:
Rabbits, despite their popularity, aren’t loved by the majority of people due to differences in anatomy. If I was to reach back to my past self, I would tell young Suz to get two different sex toys, rather than a one dual stimulation toy. I would recommend the L’Amourose Prism V for rumbly G-spot pressure, paired with a We-Vibe Tango for deep clit vibrations. If I was looking for a moving internal toy, I would use the Lelo Mona Wave. And even though I personally am not a fan of rabbit toys, the We-Vibe Nova is the best of the best if you’re looking for dual stim in a one-toy form.
I hope this post goes as a warning to those who are looking to those who are looking to buy their first toy! Due to lack of research, I definitely made some mistakes. Luckily, nothing too bad happened to me (other than some bad times and a torn vaginal lining.) Learn from my mistakes and prepare yourself by using lube, reading reviews, checking out Lilly’s Toxic Toy Guide, and by going into a local sex store to check out toys in person.
For those who are reading this as sex toy vets, what was your first sex toy? What would you have recommended to yourself instead?