Going to a sex club for the first time can be nerve-wracking, especially if you’ve never been around other people having sex before. When I first attended one around a year ago, I was definitely feeling anxious about my visit. Luckily, I had a great mentor who was a sex club pro, so she had told me what to expect. Not everyone knows a Luna Matatas though, so hopefully, these helpful tips will help you navigate your first sex club experience.
Finding an event. Most sex club’s offer a variety of different themed nights for all types of fun throughout the week. Swinging and fetish sites are great places to find out when and where these events happen. Choose a night based on your comfort levels and interests. There’s usually events geared towards newcomers, and some clubs offer tours of the facility.
Research. If you’re a planner at heart like me, you’ll already be devouring every bit of need-to-know information about your sex club. Every establishment works differently, so do your research and check the rules and regulations on your preferred club’s website. Look over consent rules, dress codes, prices, and where you’re allowed to have sex. When I went for the first time, knowing more made my mind mentally prepared and made the club easier to navigate.
Transportation and accommodation. Figure out how you’re getting to and from the event and where you’re going to be staying after the night is over. If the sex club is far away, maybe Airbnb and make the night a nice little getaway! I also love to time when I’m planning on arriving; the more planned out the evening is, the more comfortable I feel.
Discussing boundaries. Once you’ve figured out the logistics of the evening, you’ll want to figure out your personal sexpectations for the night. If you’re going with your partner(s), you should decide your boundaries together. Will it be a night for just you, or will you plan to interact with other attendees? If you decide to involve new people, what sexual acts are you comfortable with, and what protection will be used. Some couples/groups have code words or signals to show their partner(s) that they’re not interested in someone who they’re interacting with. This is your sexual game plan, so make sure you are comfortable and that you and your partner(s) are on the same page.
Dressing up. Being the femme that I am, I love getting dressed before going to a fun event, especially one at a sex club. Choosing an outfit and doing my makeup calms me as well; I use it as a form of self-care, so doing it before going to a club helps me feel my sexiest. Wearing a unique piece of clothing or lingerie can also be a great conversation starter too. When I attended an event in my bra harness, I received tons of compliments which lead to meeting potential play partners. Going to a sex club takes some confidence, so you should feel good while you’re in attendance.
Reconfirming boundaries. You should reconfirm your boundaries with the person or people you’re going with before the night begins. While you already talked about the evening’s expectations before, it’s always good to check in before you leave to see if everyone is in the right headspace. You want to both (or all) be on the same page.
Getting comfortable. Having a small pre-game, solo or with your partner(s), can help you to relax before going out. Put on some music, grab a drink or a toke, and do whatever it takes to make you mellow.
Checking in. Upon check in, a host will most likely go over the rules of the club. Listen to the host, even if you did your research, as you might have missed something. Depending on the club, they might give you a wristband, and a key for a locker.
Tour the facilities. When I first get to a sex club, I love doing a personal tour to check out the lay of the land. A quick run around of the building can give you confidence by familiarizing yourself with the space. Plus, it can help later if you need to find condoms or a bathroom.
Interacting with people
Flirting. Most clubs have an Ask Once policy, meaning that you can only approach a person/group of people once to ask to join them. If they say no, you cannot ask again. However, a good amount of people in attendance are open to talking and flirting, and maybe playing if the connection is right. Just because you’re at a sex club does not mean that you don’t have to try. Be as respectful as possible, and be as charming as you would be on a date.
Making a move. If the connection is right, asking someone to go sit down or a simple “Would you like to join me?” are great segues into pursuing someone sexually. Asking your potential play partner(s) what they’re open to doing before you start playing is also something you should practice, as they might have boundaries of their own.
Consent! Checking in with yourself and your partner(s) throughout the evening is something I highly recommend. Sex clubs open the doors to many new experiences and you might find yourself, or someone you came with, uncomfortable at some point. Remember that consent is freely given, reversible, informed, enthusiastic and specific. Check in, make sure everyone is comfortable and happy.
If you’ve visited a sex club before, what are your tips? If you haven’t and want to, is there anything that you’re worried about?