Earlier this fall I experimented with my first Kegel toy, the We-Vibe Bloom, which left me feeling lukewarm towards Kegel toys in general. The Bloom worked on a technical level but it’s Kegel-ing aspect of the toy left me feeling like I wasn’t getting the vaginal work out I deserve. It was a bit of a letdown, so since reviewing it, I’ve been open to accepting other Kegel exercisers to see if I can actually beef up this pussy.
Which leads me to Sistalk, a new Kegel company based in China, who has created a line of adorable Kegel toys. The line boasts three toys, all only varying in aesthetic features and branding. Mister Devil, Master Godzilla and Doctor Whale are basically all the same toy if you strip away the tails, bumps and horns. The three connect via Bluetooth to the Monster Pub app, where you can do Kegel challenges and games. Sistalk sent me their Doctor Whale, the blue whale-looking toy of the bunch and while it’s one of the cutest sex toys I own, it’s technical elements are under-whale-ming.
According to the Sistalk website, Doctor Whale is “A sweet little doctor knows you so well. He will provide you the only pleasure that you deserve by exercise his power to you”. The whole website is populated with odd language and grammar issues as such, but that’s mainly due to the language barrier as the company is Chinese so I’ll let it slide during this review. Sistalk’s brand and monster theme are original; so many sex toy companies either brand themselves as too cutesy or too serious, and Sistalk’s visual marketing shows a fresh perspective. They even send out high-quality blush versions of your monster when you buy a toy. Doctor Whale’s PhD is in lust btw, in case you were curious about his credentials.
While Sistalk’s marketing strategy is enjoyable, my experience using Doctor Whale was not. The toy is physically well made; its silicone is soft, it’s waterproof and there’s a power button on the external part of the toy. Its shape is good for G-spot pressure and Kegel strengthening and the toy has some decently strong internal vibrations, but when it comes to using the app, it’s absolutely disastrous. A main part of the toys use is the MonsterPub app itself, which registers Kegel squeezes from the toy.
While this is a good idea to help people strengthen their pelvic floors, the toy and app have extreme problems working when inside my vagina. I spent half an hour with my legs up in the air, phone circling my vulva, trying reel in the continuously dropping Bluetooth connection to the whale. I kept pulling it out to check to see if it was on, or low-battery but nope: fully on and fully charged. When Doctor Whale did manage to connect, the app wouldn’t register my Kegels and I was left feeling confused and frustrated. It’s not like the sensor on the toy wasn’t working completely; outside of my body I could squeeze the toy with my hand and it would register on the app, and the connection wouldn’t drop out. I’m not the only person who experienced these issues from the Sistalk monsters, so it’s not just a one time malfunction either. It just doesn’t work.
The copy on Sistalk’s website says that Doctor Whale and the rest of the monster gang can give you the “best clitoral orgasm” with their tails. I don’t see a word of truth in this statement and makes me wonder if anyone at their company used their toys at all. It would be rare for most vulvas out there to have the tail of the toy successfully reach their clit. Like, the tail was so far from my clit, it might as well be reaching from the Atlantic ocean.
Typically when you decide to visit a doctor, you’re going to the appointment with the intention of fixing a problem. With the Doctor Whale, I wanted to strengthen my Kegel muscles and I was unable to do so because of the incredible connectivity problems the toy and the app have. If Sistalk manages to fix their issues, I could see the monsters being a decent line of sex toys. I would even go so far to say that I would like to see them create other, more pleasure specific vibrators too. Whatever motor they used to make Doctor Whale is decently rumbly and somewhat strong, so it could be utilized in a non-Kegel specific toy. Hopefully, the company can take these recommendations into account and come back with a better working toy to big splash in the industry.
Whale, whale, whale, Sistalk. It looks like you have some work to do.
This review was sponsored, but all writing and opinions are my own.