Communication among casual sex relationships is extremely undervalued these days. I like to be on the same page as my FWBs, fuck buddies and laid back lovers, and that feeling isn’t always reciprocated. Specifically in regards to ending those casual relationships. Partners I’ve been with haven’t been down to have a breakup convo or even send a simple “Hey I’m not into this anymore.” text and that’s left me feeling confused, sad and angry.
Breaking up, even with people you were seeing casually, is important. It can provide closure and clarity to your partners, and it tells them that you respect them. I’ve been through too many ghostings and endings with people I really thought I had a genuine connection with only to realize they were to chicken to have an actual conversation about our relationship. I’ve even had people make me do the emotional labour to figure out that they were no longer interested in seeing me, as they would just keep putting off plans until I had to ask what the fuck was up. Apparently, there is no art to casually breaking up, so I’m here to teach you how to do it right.
Provide resolution (aka don’t block or ghost them)
I’ve noticed that a lot of guys I’ve seen have the “well I’m done with this and it’s just easy to block/ignore them” mentality. While yes, it’s so much less emotionally intensive to quickly block someone, but it’s a dick move. Just because a relationship is casual doesn’t mean that person deserves to find out their sex buddy isn’t into them anymore by trying to send them a Snapchat and getting the grey pending arrow. I’ve had this happen to me before, and it’s absolutely crushing, even if there was no feels involved. Blocking or ignoring your ex-partner doesn’t provide any resolution or ending, which makes the casual break up feel more personal than it should. If someone is just upfront about their feelings, their ex-partner can feel better moving forward instead of dwelling on what went wrong.
If you want to block them for whatever reason, at least break up with them beforehand!
On the same note, even if you’re going to be friends after let them know you don’t want to see them sexually anymore!! It can get hella confusing and annoying when people don’t let their friends know that they’re done with the sexual side of the relationship.
Talk boundaries! (aka what’s happening moving forward)
Your relationship with your FWB can go in all sorts of directions once you decide to end things. You can be online friends, good IRL friends, not friends but friendly when running into each other, or never talk again! When ending it with your FWB let them know what you’re open to moving forward and ask them what they’re down for. Especially if you started off as friends, this convo can help alleviate any worries of the unknown. My first friends with benefits completely dropped me from his life after we stopped sleeping together, and that was a confusing time for me as we were friends beforehand. If he had given me a heads up that he no longer wanted to be friends too, I would have been much happier!
How to word your breakup!
If you’re stuck on how to word breaking up with someone, here’s your fast track guide!
“Hey [name], I’ve had a lovely time with you these past couple [days/weeks/months], but on my end I think it’s time we stop seeing each other! Thanks for the fun times!”
“Hey! I started seeing someone monogamously so we can’t see each other anymore! I had such a fun time with you, let’s connect as friends in the future!”
“Heyo! Can I talk to you about us for a sec? I’ve decided this isn’t the type of relationship I’m looking for at the moment, so I think it’s best we end things.”
“Hey! I’m going through some personal things right now. I think it’s best we put this on pause! Thanks for understanding.”
Feel free to use a variation of these and, of course, mix in your own explanations and reasonings at your own comfort level! This conversation doesn’t need to be a lengthy sit down (over text is fine for casual relationships) but be honest and kind when ending things!
How have you broken up with a FWB before? How has a past FWB broken up with you?