aka how not to throw a cliche bachelorette party
aka how to make your sex toy party one hundred times better
aka how to throw a party better than any Pure Romance/My Secret Soiree/Passion Party rep
As I’m sure you’ve already heard, I threw a pretty fire party this past weekend in celebration of the relaunch of my blog. My goal for the evening was to create a sex-positive, kink-positive and queer-focused event in Hamilton, Ontario; a city that doesn’t have a lot going on when it comes to openness or sexuality. I knew I needed to pull out all the stops to make to make the night one attendee would never forget. Gearing up to plan my event, I tried to research sex-themed events and sex decorations for inspiration. You’d think there would be at least a couple examples from sex toy launches or porn PR parties, no? Alas, I couldn’t find much more than the average “same penis forever” bachelorette sign. And who can forget the penis cake pans and penis straws? Penis, penis, penis!
Beyond the aggressive hetero & cis normative party supplies, I was able to find sex party planning guides on sex-positive websites. I’m incredibly glad those guides exist, but they weren’t necessarily the information I was looking for. I wasn’t trying to plan an actual sex party where people could party, fuck and come their hearts out; I wanted to create a safe(r) sex-positive space that had light sexual elements. A party for perves of all experience levels; not a sex party, a sex-themed party. So, without any good references, I had to get creative. Here’s what I came up with and ultimately made my party the success that it was:
Include body safe sex toys.
Everyone loves sex toys, especially at sexy parties. For my Relaunch, I gave out $3000 worth of sex toys from awesome, reputable manufacturers to encourage people to show up and to get some fun things in the hands of my friends. Research brands and materials beforehand, as not all sex toys are safe or sex-positive, as most of those “passion parties” offer only really shitty toys. Hell, evening taking the gang to a sex store during the event would be better than this!
I spent all day on my knees…
… cause I’ve been crafting. pic.twitter.com/Xx93R7mteS
— Suz Ellis 🍑 (@redhotsuz) March 20, 2018
Don’t buy decorations offered in the bachelorette section of the party store.
PUT DOWN THE PENIS PIÑATA. Come on friends, we can think of better sex decorations than that right? What I did for decor for my party, is created peach and eggplant emoji LED-neon signs, a glittered a rotary telephone (for the ‘gram, obviously), and had helium balloons spelling ‘CUM’. Don’t forget the photo booth area too!
Don’t forget the lube and safer sex supplies!
Condoms, dental dams and lubes are a necessity; they’re the bread and butter of every sexy party! You want your attendees to be well stocked when they leave your event, as the number of titillating vibes from your party will be sure to inspire them when they go home. Plus! Who doesn’t love a free lil lube? Safer sex supplies and lubricants are super easy to get in sample bulk too. Don’t forget to check the ingredients before ordering some! (Psss, Come As You Are is having a 50% off lube sale right now!!)
I’m a queen and your face is my throne. pic.twitter.com/Sul71GzACg
— Suz Ellis 🍑 (@redhotsuz) March 22, 2018
Out of the box interactive components.
For fuck’s sake, no one want’s a “pin the penis on the burly piece of paper” game. If you’re hip enough to throw a party centred around sex, please get something more adventurous than this! I highly suggest getting a rideable vibrator, like the Cowgirl, which was an absolute hit at my party. It’s sexy but not too sexy and doesn’t make you feel self-conscious to use in front of friends. You can rent vibes like this in some cities! Other suggestions include trying VR porn, renting a vac bed, cake sitting or if you’re at a more intimate gathering, doing a boudoir photo shoot.
Hire a sex worker (and treat them with respect).
When people think bachelorette they immediately think “let’s get a stripper”, which is great, assuming you’re going to treat them and pay them properly. RomComs about bachelorette parties almost always show violence or disrespect to sex worker characters (Rough Night, Best Night Ever, Bachelorette), so please, before you decide to hire one, understand that you’re hiring them like any other talent (DJ, bartender, limo driver). Check out these resources, as well as sex workers FAQ & Etiquette pages before hiring someone. Some outside of the box ideas for hiring sex workers is hiring someone to spank people (like I did), hiring a BDSM performance artist, or hiring a masseuse. Pay them, tip them, treat them like the royalty they are!
Put on some porn (that you paid for).
Watching porn is another one of those ye old sex party activities which I highly recommend including in your evening. Projecting CinéSinclaire’s collection of films on the wall at my party was an instant hit. A lot of my attendees had never been to a sex-themed party before, so the porn on the walls allowed for people to step into a voyeuristic state. If I just had IRL people having sex, people would have been a little more uncomfortable.
Represent all genitals!
Don’t limit your decor to just vulvas or just penises!!! All genitals deserve to be represented at your parties. I bought cupcakes from The Hearty Hooligan in Hamilton and requested they made both penis and vulva cupcakes in all shape and colours for my guests. We often only see white genitals shown in sex party paraphernalia so make a point to cover all your nether regions.
Prioritize consent and inclusion.
You want your attendees to feel safe and cosy at your event, especially if some of them are stepping outside of their comfort zone. For my event, I had a super friendly security guard who was there to watch the door and on hand to kick people out if they were being an asshole. Lucky, we didn’t have much trouble, but it’s always good to be prepared. I made a point to put a disclaimer on my event page that noted my expectations of attendees behaviour, and posted that people should try to not wear scents so people with chemical sensitivities could enjoy the night too!
Disclaimer example: “Consent & inclusion are a priority for this event. If you’re racist, transphobic, fatphobic, whorephobic, slut-shaming, sexist, ableist, or generally gross, you will get kicked out.”
What are your must-haves at sexy parties?
Thanks to Rowynne for the featured photo of my CUM wall. I barely had time to take pics at the party.