It’s no secret that I’ve been reviewing less and fewer sex toys as of late. I much prefer writing personal pieces, and well, sometimes testing new average or bad toys feels like a waste of my precious masturbation time. I already found my faves, so after the eighth vibrator in a row that feels alright, but not amazing, it feels like a moot job. There are some reviewers who are STELLAR at telling you how 30 dildos differ from each other, but for me, there are times where I can’t even tell you why I have neutral feelings towards a certain toy. I’ve been hesitant to accept reviews because of this.
But.. three new dildos managed to slip into my hands before the end of 2018, and they happen to have impressed me enough to call them some of my favourite new dildos finds of the year.
At a time I was sworn off accepting non-sponsored products, a company called Uberrime had reviews popping up on every dang blogger’s website. The beautiful colouring and unique shapes definitely caught my eye, along with the good reviews, which were staking up quickly. The two silicone dildos featured at the time were the Splendid, a realistic dual-density and the Helio, a squishy dil with lots of texture.
God, do I regret not getting the Splendid sooner. This dildo has quickly become one of my top sex toys in my arsenal. Its realistic, curved shape combined with its thickness makes me never regret keeping it hoarded in my bed to pull out when I’m craving a fucking. The Splendid is the goldilocks dildo of my vagina’s dreams; perfectly filling the size gap between my Vixen Mustang and my Bandit. It takes some of the Bandit’s girth and combines it with the salivating G-spot shape of the Mustang for an undeniably pleasurable experience.
And I’ve been using it so much. The Uberrime Splendid is THE go-to dildo and sits within reach of my bed at all time. I’ve brought it on every trip I’ve gone on since it was acquired; Splendid is the perfect dildo companion to my lifestyle. It’s good for everything, including the occasional BJ Snapchat show where it’s realistic shape, is welcomed. I look good sucking on anything, but penis-looking dildos are always prefered. While I love the colours Uberrime makes, I really want them to make a skin tone range so I can use the Splendid for my videos.
Use code REDHOT for 10% off your purchases at Peepshow Toys – including on the Splendid!
The Funkit NoFrillDo B was one of my favourite reviews from last year. The slick-with-two-bumps shape surprised me with its ability to pluck my G-spot into squirting easily, and it’s bright colours and cheap price really won my heart. Could it get any better?? IT CAN. Owner of Funkit, Kenton, decided to make a girthier, fancier version of the shape called the B1. I was delighted when I heard the news and eventually placed an order. While the B1 is not part of the cheap NoFrillDo line, the original Funkit Toys all are crystal clear with beautiful ribbons of colour within them, creating a marble-like aesthetic. The increase in price ($74 vs the NoFrillDo $24) is for the added girth and colour technique/customization. I bought mine in a spectacular periwinkle purple, and I couldn’t be happier with the results. Kenton will mix colours for you until he gets the pigment exactly to your preferences, a process he’ll also do for creating the swoosh of colour within the toy (is Funkit the Nike of dildos?).
The size increase of the toy was gladly welcomed, so I can say with a full heart (and vagina) that if you prefer thicker toys and are loving the look, go with the B1. It’s replaced my little NoFrillDo B as my most used Funkit toy.
Strange Bedfellas Tyv
Speaking of girth, I’ve been salivating over big fantasy toys from indie manufacturers as of late, including the likes of Strange Bedfellas. I finally got the chance to purchase from their store during their Black Friday drop and picked up the Tyv model in large. Y’all know I love squishy dildos when they’re on the bigger end, so I went with a soft silicone model in pink, purple & white. Tyv is meant to combine natural penis elements, a blunt head and smooth shaft, with fantasy creature features, like the big knot it has at near the base of its shaft. I absolutely love how it’s upper shaft has a slight curve to it; perfect for rubbing against my G-spot as I try to push it inside me. It’s a great toy, and I love the challenge of taking it all.
I highly recommend checking out the Strange Bedfellas shop, even if you’re not into big dildos! They have beautiful colourful creations in all sizes (going up to XXL), including dildos, eggs, and vibe sleeves that double as clit suckers.
So those are a couple of my new fave dildos! I’ll be posting more often again on here now that I’m back into the swing of writing! I missed y’all! <3